Small Town Life In Big L.A.

The Art Of Being A Lady

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Last weekend we had the joy of attending a "Ladies Tea" at our sister church. It was a day we looked forward to and prepared for. I myself was intrigued with the name "Ladies" tea versus tea party, etc. It's not a description you hear very often these days. I had some fun reminding everyone they must act like a "real" lady to attend. You know, versus those "other" ladies.

Well the day to make the hour and a half journey south arrived. Those in my car were excited, dressed up, and looking forward to the tea. We had lots of time to talk and catch up and the subject of "ladies" came up. I am intrigued by it. We were talking about the world's definition of a lady versus what God says a lady is. My friend asked "What does the bible say about being a lady?" A LOADED question. I quickly rattled off a few things but find myself days later wanting to revisit the subject. 

You know there's something about reading the bible that is like no other book. It is ALIVE. The living word of God. No matter how many times you think you have read something you go back and it speaks to you again in a different way. It is the Lord showing you something you need to hear at that time. Well this morning here is what He showed me. 

There are several places that speak about being a lady. Probably the most well known is the Proverbs 31 woman. But today He led me to Timothy and Titus, two of my favorite books because they are so clear and practical. Now I could go on and on, but I am going to practice the 9th fruit of the Spirit, self control, and stick with the three words that really stood out to me today. Ready?

"Their wives likewise must be DIGNIFIED" ( 1 Timothy 3:11)

hmmm...DIGNIFIED...what does that mean? Of course I had to look it up.

• a way of appearing or behaving that suggests seriousness and self-control

• the quality of being worthy of honor or respect 
  

 

To help me further understand dignified I looked up the definition of what it means to be UNDIGNIFIED....unseemly...inappropriate...improper...unbecoming...unrefined...UNLADYLIKE

Now I'm getting the picture. There are some behaviors that are just not appropriate for a Godly woman. Does this mean you can't have fun? Of course not. Joy is the second fruit of the Spirit. However we are to "keep a CLOSE WATCH on ourselves" (1 Tim 4:16) and "TRAIN OURSELVES in godliness" (1 Tim 4:7). This stuff does not come naturally.

Ready for word #2?

"Not SLANDERERS" (1 Timothy 3:11)

A slanderer is one who attacks/maligns the reputation of another with false statements and opinions. It can be so easy to do, especially when others don't meet up to our standards or do things our way. Slandering is closely related to gossip. Ouch! The Lord wants us to think before we speak. We've all heard the saying "if you don't have anything good to say don't say anything at all".  I think of Haley Mills in the movie Pollyanna. If you look for the bad in someone you will surely find it. Why not focus on what's good?

And here is word #3. It comes from a great list of ladylike traits in Titus 2.

"women are to be KIND"...having or showing a gentle nature and a desire to help others : wanting and liking to do good things and to bring happiness to others.

Well now I have a better picture of what a lady is and intend to further ponder and pray about these things. How about you? The bible has much more to say on the subject. I am thankful to  have lived long enough to see the Lord transform women into His image and ways over time and it is a glorious sight to behold. We are all a work in progress. Lord help me to act in a dignified manner, not slandering others, but instead being kind.

 

A Foundation for Growing in Manners & Etiquette

Ahhh, the New Year. If there is ever a time to sit back and pray about where your life is headed and things you would like to accomplish, this is it. Last year the Lord put it on my heart to begin sharing what He has shown me concerning manners and being otherminded, specifically in regards to our Christian witness and calling as ambassadors for Christ.

On New Years Day I found myself downloading the original Emily Post book "Etiquette" written in 1922. It's FREE on Amazon Prime right now! I also downloaded a sample of their 18th (!!!) edition "Etiquette, Manners for a New World". In it they begin with the idea that manners are born out of a RESPECT for others.  It looks to be interesting reading especially in regards to practical do's and don'ts.

Biblically we are told to honor one another above ourselves. (Romans 12:10). But how do we learn to do that? Simply, the best way to start is to regularly study God's Word. I am thankful to have examples in my life of people who have been walking with the Lord, and consistently prioritize His Word, His ways, and His fellowship. I have been an eyewitness to their graciousness, kindness, and peace and seek to follow their example.

This 3rd article on manners has "set the stage" so to speak to prepare  for future writings of a more practical nature. Here are some of the topics we may look forward to as the Lord leads.

* Manners When Visiting Someone Else's Home

* Manners When Someone Else Is Visiting Your Home

* Manners on the Internet

* Manners In a Community Meeting

* Manners In Gift Giving & Receiving

* Manners in Church

* Manners When Dining in a Restaurant

* Manners When Attending A Sales Presentation in Someone's Home

* Manners In Being A Good Neighbor

* Manners in the Workplace

In reading the Emily Post books and other sources it is emphasized that good manners begin in the home. Some of us were given good examples by our parents growing up, others were not. Regardless of what our background is, we can seek to change and learn. Others are watching. If you have small children they are watching... and learning your ways. Let us seek to be good ambassadors for the Lord... peaceable, orderly, other minded, patient, kind, and loving. January 2015 is the start of a new year. Crack open that book and see what He says to you. It's the only book that is alive and sharper than a two edged sword. He will speak to you...don't wait...Take a moment and listen to this song. It's just for you...yes you.

 

 

Manners: The Importance of Being On Time

"One who is faithful in very little is also faithful in much..." Luke 16:10

BEING ON TIME...it seems like such a simple thing, a little thing, yet as I begin this series on manners it comes to the forefront as a foundational principle of order and honoring others above yourself to set the stage for your witness to others. Being on time takes discipline and planning. It doesn't just happen.

A few weeks ago I came across a list of 49 godly character traits. I found it interesting that the #1 trait listed was ALERTNESS. Alert means "the state of being watchful". They described it as "Being aware of that which is taking place around me so I  can have the right response to it" (Mark 14:38) It takes ALERTNESS to be ON TIME.

Back in my corporate Revelation days I had a great example of the importance of being on time from my boss. Being the owner of the company, he was always the first one there despite the fact that he had a large family and one of the longest commutes. I watched this man's example for 20 years as each day he rose long before the sun came up to pray at home, enjoyed a full breakfast prepared by his wife, and was the first to arrive at the warehouse in downtown L.A. where he began the day at 7 am sharp with a prayer meeting. I was required to be there at 7:30 am sharp for our executive meeting. Because of his diligent leadership Revelation Inc. was a well run, orderly company with high standards resulting in a lasting effect on those of us who were privileged to work there.  

Imagine if the owner were habitually late! The result would be confusion, chaos, a mess and a poor witness that would affect all who worked there as well as the customers.

I myself greatly benefited from this 20 year lesson in the importance of being on time. Since I'm not a morning person, it took diligent planning on my part to get there on time. I had to change my habits, which meant getting to bed early, buying an alarm clock, and allowing enough time to get ready for the day. I found that when my day started off in order everything else worked better also.

If you are seeking a leadership position of any kind, whether in the workplace, in the home, or in the church, it is imperative that you learn to be on time...for the sake of others and as unto the Lord. When you arrive late it disturbs others and often causes confusion. By arriving late you have shown disrespect for them so in turn how can they fully respect you?

In doing research for this blog I came across some very valuable and succinctly written sites dealing with the subject. One I particularly enjoy and would recommend reading is "THE IMPORTANCE OF PUNCTUALITY". In it they extoll the habits of President George Washington. I particularly liked this quote:

“The habit of being prompt once formed extends to everything — meeting friends, paying debts, going to church, reaching and leaving place of business, keeping promises, retiring at night and rising in the morning, going to the lecture and town-meeting, and, indeed, to every relation and act, however trivial it may seem to observers.” –William Makepeace Thayer, Tact and Grit, 1882

Are you in the habit of being on time? Perhaps the Lord has led you to read this as you seek to be a good witness for Him and to grow in learning what it means to truly honor His people.

And now for a little humor from Jerry Maguire...THESE FISH HAVE MANNERS.

 

"Watch and pray that you may not enter into temptation. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak"   Mark 14:38

 

Adding Etiquette to the Mix

One of the joys of blogging is being able to write about things that are dear to your heart. When you read advice about starting a blog "they" tell you to have a central theme. There are blogs all about baking, Christian living, home decorating, crafting, and the list goes on. This blog is about what it's like to follow the Lord and live a "small town" life in a big city. I like to write about the various things I enjoy as the mood strikes. One of those things is etiquette and manners. It is borne out of a quest to be other minded, inspired by my favorite books of Proverbs and the Timothys.

I have lived long enough and been in a variety of corporate, business, community, and church leadership positions to see the effects of both gracious behavior and that which is otherwise. I am motivated by Bible verses such as these:

" I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all those who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly, and dignified in every way. This is good and pleasing in the sight of God our Savior, who desires all people to be saved and come to a knowledge of the truth." 1 Timothy 2:1-3

God is a God of peace and order and He calls us to lead a life that is worthy of respect. There are countless scriptures on being other-minded, which is honoring others above yourself.

I first became enamoured of this subject many years ago when we witnessed the behavior of a Christian family we were getting to know. We were fairly new Christians then and had invited the couple and their four small children to our home for dinner. Being a childless career couple we weren't used to entertaining children in our home. We were so impressed with the manners these children had, the way they obeyed their parents, and knew their place. They were quiet and orderly and such a joy! They were raised not to be the center of attention and to be respectful of adults. I had never seen anything quite like it. Come to find out, their church had been teaching a program called "Growing Kids God's Way". It was a 17 week course that involved a weekly video, manual, homework, and discussion with the goal of teaching parents how to raise children that others would enjoy. It was filled with practical information on what to do and how to train your children to act around others. We were so moved by what we saw that we purchased the program for our church. Even though I didn't have children myself, I learned so much about God's ways, manners & etiquette and practical ways to teach them. I have gotten to watch those four children, now five, grow up and produce the good fruit of lives that honor the Lord and His people. What a lifelong lesson it has been to behold!

Titus 2 says older women ( like me) are to train the younger women to love their husbands and children. I hope in the coming weeks and months to share practical ways to live out our Christian lives so that we may do what is good and pleasing in the eyes of God and in the way we are towards His people.

 "To know wisdom and instruction,
    to understand words of insight,
³ to receive instruction in wise dealing,
    in righteousness, justice, and equity;
⁴ to give prudence to the simple,
    knowledge and discretion to the youth—
⁵ Let the wise hear and increase in learning,
    and the one who understands obtain guidance,
⁶ to understand a proverb and a saying,
    the words of the wise and their riddles."   Proverbs 1:1-6